School is gonna reopen. Without any anticipation or excitement, there is only fear in me. Empty and lost. who to blame? Not you, but me! I realized its my fault all along that i am scared of going to school now and still stirring in the mind.


Nothing has been done during this holidays, even at this edge of time. NOTHING AT ALL.

Finally, i gained my consciousness, but its just too late. My deceitful self has vanquished me completely. Is there any other way to retrieve what i have lost?
That freezing cold silence, the pain and misery that it inflicted on me bolted me up. What a loser. I had been in such a deep stupor for so long. I feel morally compelled to make a change for this, but it is late...too late...


I have mistaken them as myriads of obstacles that hold me back. but I was totally wrong. Its my determination that failed me. Why am I always have to yield to the temptations? too weak to resist? Where and what is my strength?! Why can't I achieve at least something like everyone does? I am just falling, deeper and deeper into nothingness! There is always something coming up, seduce my heart right away every moment i try to settle down. In the end I didn't get to accomplish a single task.


Somehow i feel like knocking my head hard with a hammer or maybe giving a stab with a knife right into my heart... Just to wake myself up and to realize how serious the consequences are! sigh* but you know, I will never dare to try. I'll just stay in this way. and i hate it.




A coward.


fears for reality and difficulty.


Where is my promise? Where is my determination? I thought it was easy...


change for the better, please______