Feeling truthfully ashamed of myself.
I know I am not experienced enough to really understand what is pain.
I have no rights to grumble unnecessarily.
To know that i am actually so fortunate
yet i am not striving for the best
chances come and go
I missed it, repeatedly
was I oblivious to the speed of time?
I am not stupid.
but neither am i clever.


Being an ordinary girl just like the rest
Myriads of people are able to reach their pinnacles of life
yet i am far, far behind
Without making any further progress,
I actually fall, deeper and deeper into an abyss of failures











pessimistic?

taking things for granted?

greed?

or myself as the culprit of everything?




It seems like an improvement
but honestly,
the effort made was far too little
I am afraid to disappoint everyone,
especially myself.
but something always seduce my heart away
Will i be able to find out what it is?





The answer is so near yet so far,
its just a matter of admitting or avoiding the truth.