Damn it!

Tell me what on earth is going on?!

Dont tell me its my problem again?! Dont tell me I was the culprit who caused these troubles AGAIN?!

fuck!

Damn!

Hell!

I dont know what i want! Everything is going on so badly.
I cant face it! I dont know wads wrong but to keep quiet and get pissed off.
I hate this place to the core! I loathe it! Its nonetheless a purgatory!

STOP TORMENTING ME BEFORE I GO SO MAD TO RUIN UR LIFE!








Somebody please tell me what to do. I cant stand it anymore. I dont know wads going on in and out of me, everything just went crazy! I cant do anything to mend the situation... but to give total ignorance to it and just cry like a child being abandoned.

I hate this feeling... Gosh, help me...
please.....












































The Botanist

I have been growing new types of plants recently.
Seeing the flowers bloom does not cease the pain in me.
Rose Allenae has always been my most favourite, taking care of it is my job.
But due to its uniqueness, many other botanists have come to me to own it.
Many criticised it cuz of their jealousness.
Sooner, I got irritated.
Thinking of how people think of my rose, I touched it to examine it but got pricked,
then somehow i started to dislike this particular rose of mine.
[something seems to have been driving a wedge between us, it succeeds]


Look at other flowers i have planted.
All look equally beautiful.
But taking care of it more merticulously only cause it to wither.
Pests and bugs grow all over the plants and flowers.
Ruining my career.
i still do not understand what these plants and flowers need.
Maybe they dont need me after all?
Maybe they are not satisfied with the place i provided them to live in?
Maybe its just my uselessness to provide them with all their needs?
I am so tired to continue with this career.
shall i give up?


I miss the wild flora i used to stay with to carry on my career.
Although they are wild, they wont give u such great pressure.
































After much thoughts.

Mid-year exam is approaching.
Yet i am doing so badly and still not putting in effort.

[It's so obvious that u have not been putting in much effort!]
[Dear, dont stress yourself too much. relax sometimes kay?]

How contradict can these 2 sentences be?
sighh, I know i am not moving.

Please, I am pleading you in earnest.
Let me have a peace mind.
I dont want to care so much about them anymore.
I dont want to keep on thinking of him.
I dont want to rest.
I dont want to let my mind drift away so easily.
I dont want to be sensitive.
I dont want to see the numbers.
I dont want take a break for the unnecessities.
I dont want to let things hold me back.
I dont want to fall.



Just glue my face with a smile for you.
I am too tired to ask for more.

And,
its time for work.