My eyes were burning.
Tears were forced out by the pressure of the uncontrollable feelings and thoughts.
Why am i so useless?
Maybe i should just release myself, cry out loud this only and last time? draining out the tears all at once and let it dry forever. No more tears? Would that be possible?

To know that i am actually supposed to be contented, yet i just cant be bothered.
why?
Still not satisfied?
sighh




Never.


I seem to be floundering in the middle of a quagmire.
They are swallowing me up. YOU are swallowing me up.
I struggled, trying hard to get out of this morass.
but every move i make, i will just sink and sink and sink...
I almost drowned
and finally i stop moving but lay motionless there.
The mud level has reached the tip of my lips.
A move can kill me now.
waiting for rescue?
Or just drown myself, leaving this cold world?
I desperately WANT to leave here, but there is alwaes this glimmer of hope that says everything will be fine soon...
Cuz' i still can feel the air, breathing in and out through my lungs, even though its juz inches away from the thick mud.
















Friend,
I don't know whether what you wrote was about me or the friends of yours.
Cuz' what i "think" i received from you was just a blank. A total disregard.
and now, I realize that i am shivering.
I am feeling a bit cold..










------------
*
I sincerely yearn from your companions and your care.
But what i receive is silence.
To tell you the truth, i have lost my psychic power since dont know when.
Telepathy seems effective, but it will lose its usefulness when you dont have a heart to feel but just to know.
and so, i eventually lose this power unknowingly.


*
There is just so much things to tell.
But the words just died in my throat.
Maybe the time has not riped.
Maybe i just feel insecure about it.
Maybe I am just somehow , lost?



*
Your smile is indeed very sweet and bright.
But what appears inside doesnt seem true to me.
If that is YOU, then i would rather you not to smile in front of me.
Cuz' you'll only make me feel more scared and strange.
If the air we breathe in supposed to be cold, let it be.
Let YOU freeze my lungs then.

sometimes i am trying to be helpful.
even though i did what i am supposed to do,
but what i received is never expected to be,
instead, its the opposite.

You just turned away
with a deceptive smile that turns cold when the sight of it reaches my very heart.

I am too weary to make a difference between us.
Everytime i wish for more, the wish will never come true, instead the result will disappoint me more.

Now, give me a break first.
and i 'll see what improvement can be made.

just hope for a miracle...