Today, i went home not alone.

I took bus 33 with Shuhan, and later took the bus 15 to my home. It feels so different to take bus alone after school. The feeling that i have not felt for a long long time. It's indubitably not lonesome, neither is it enjoyable. The scenes when i first started my secondary school life flash through my mind. That time, i always took bus, alone, to think that i could have actually surrounded by all my friends like the life in primary school.

i think too much this time.

The unsettling mind began to fill me to the brim.
Why am i worrying so much? or getting pissed off so easily?

A pampered child.
Deep in my heart, i started to cry in petulance, throwing a tantrum at everyone who steps on my tail.

But THAT was only in the heart.

and i screamed at the top of my voice.
The voice that came out in silence.

Everything was in a mess,
shrouded by all the untrue voices and faces.
some looked so close yet so unfamiliar,
and i recognised none.

I finally made my way to home.
my mum's face appeared. she opened the door for me which surprised me. Her beaming face immediately swept away the turmoil in me, but that was only temporarily.

Back to the home where i am loved, cared and protected.
I am safe...

I am safe.





















----------------
i could sense ur unhappiness, ur disatisfaction.
But i did nothing to it, left it to its own survival.
To me, everything turned out beyond redemption.
At that moment, i thought we were hopeless, i truly was.
but when the card of yours appeared,
there is hope in me.

The paper that u bought.
The words that u cut out and coloured in such a meticulous way.
The bear that u drew.
The words "i love you"
The poem that u wrote.
Every word, every colour.
You did put in "heart" work.

Here it is, : A friendship without hard times.
and finally, i gave in.

and now i want to add more, : A friendship without trust will perish.
trust

One mission to accomplish : Trust Mission








---------
I actually scolded Noel and others using vulgarity.
The word that was quite commonly used in me, struck me this time, unknowingly.
I thought i hated that word originally?
something needs to be changed.
and i will remember what u said, : mind your words!















---------
Friend, i am sorry. It was quite a relief to spill everything out before i explode.
thanks though. Although i am not sure u would read. Maybe u never did. Cuz i am nonetheless just a "fren" of yours. A fren to meet just for the sake of schooling and companions.

I am not sure whether u care. whther everyone cares. cuz to me, it seems like there is just this invisible wall that segregates "us". Moreover, the door of yours is never opened. or that's what i think.

Look closer, maybe the door of mine is locked too?
never to be known.

Now, i dont feel like doing anything.

But life has to go on...
















































































[ i wish i could travel through the Bermuda Triangle with my best frens and those who love me. and fervently hope that we would be transferred to a place of "true" wonderland where only happiness exists...