Good news for everybody, my computer spoilt again. like what eh? wtf.
and now i am using my dad's computer. My mum allows me to use but i dont think i can use it until siaosiao. sighh*

seriously i dont know what on earth is going on?! First is my mum didnt allow me to go ice skate. (I love her decision i guess)
secondly is my com just spoilt. and i cant use the computer! i cant go msn...hais. never mind. maybe its good after all? since i no need to see them. i would be happier. and sadder. *smiling sweetly*


Yesterday MSP was really really fun. and i mean it. FUN LOLZ
Zhenqiang, Sarah and i talked about Circumcision lolz
which means the cutting off of the foreskin of males that is practiced as a religious as a sanitary measure in modern surgery. OMG i didnt know there was such gross thing lol. but zhenqiang said it was for cleanliness purposes. lol and people normally circumcise in a ceremony processes. I was really hmm..curious? i mean all of them know about this thing yet i didnt even know what it is. -.- The removal of skin? hmm...then i asked zhenqiang whether do people actually cut or rip off the skin, he said no. and we went in stiches. lol I wonder how pain if u really rip it off. aawww. and he said the skin cannot be regrown. how sad. LOLZ

hmm...interesting thing. after MSP, Suing kept on sms-ing me and liling. i wanted to tell her about the circumcision but i forgot wad was the word. lolx. ( must remember to tell her such an interesting topic) lol
(I seldom laughed like this in school, seriously. thx to them. haha)

Initially, xumin asked me to go play badminton. Hey but on Friday the CC might be closed u noe. hehe. then i came out with the idea to go EAST COAST. muahaha. some more friday is ningli's birthday maybe all of us can celebrate her birthday after all. i am so excited! Its better than going out with someone i am not closed and some more to do things that i dont know?!


One more day and exam would be over.
-i can watch chang jin!!!
-i can go out on friday
-i can sleep whole day and read my books hehe
-BUT no computer to play. sighh* i want my com back...





























*Its ridiculous that you still called urself as my friend.
-what can i do? sigh? or chuckle at what u say? never mind.
- i should LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

*I am nonetheless a material to you. Yup, and now i am old and could serve u no longer. so abandon me eh?
It really broke my heart. but i remember what she says.
-dont ever ask for more
-dont try to control
-dont do things that go agaisnt your conscience

and i gave in finally, tears welled up my eyes.




Shall i declare that i have totally given up hope on you?
Close my eyes. cool down. cool down.

I remember what she says, spread the love of yours.




I dont know. I feel like i am being used. thats why i feel so crushed now. you didnt tell me. i dont know. Did u do it on purpose? i wonder. You dont give a damn on me seriously. that's why i am just so cold. cuz i realize that i have no feelings on you already. All the love, courage, trust and warmth have draining out, day by day. its time to be coldso to stop them from draining more until it dries and evaporate. I dont want this to happen. I dont want it to go and will never come back. Fear engulfs me. Tell me what i should do. Sometimes i wonder whether my care is worth it? sometimes i wonder whether my kindness is worth for them? All the love and kindness, almost changed to hatred and evil. but "she" stopped me. thanks to my mum. your words.

You just leave me in a place called desert. alone. something seems to drive a wedge between us.

i hope i am not sensitive. so i decided to just pretend nothing happen. and be contented. after all, there is many who care about me. You're nothing. yes, you're nothing. i have to remind me many times.

continue to spread my love? It seems really hard to do this, i am not God.
I am trying, hard.
Dont make me fall again will u? Are you oblivious? never mind.
cuz' it doesnt matter anymore.


Please, someone, please give me courage to stand up again.
I know i can do it. just say yes, Jinyi, u can do it.
Please.
I dont wish to cry again. cuz its silly
I dont wish to be angry, cuz its tiring.
I dont wish to keep on piling up hope on you, I cant breathe.
stop it!
Lets just cease everything!
Lets give everything a halt.
I need a break, kay?





















Drain out my blood
dry up my tears
Let's stop this.

and tell me that i am happy.
and I'll give u my perfect smile.