This is where I am. Here. Alone. Helpless. Depressed.

I could feel my heart shrinking and withering like nobody cares. People would just say, "It's time for decision." But I recoiled at the word "decision". Why me? Can't you decide for me? Or can we at least talk things out?

Its nonetheless a series of unfortunate events.
First it's myself, then family then friends. Why can't i just get along well with my social life? Things changed and I start to blame myself. From the very first step that I retreated and backed up, I continued to do so and became totally restless day after day, like a domino effect.

Am I too obsessed with games and computers that I can't live without it? Did I do any wrongs that resulted in those unnecessary anger and misery? Or did YOU simply just changed and couldn't accept who I really am?! Nothing ever goes smoothly. Life is never a bed of roses but a bed full of needles that prick the very core of your heart till your dying day and you never get a chance to have a breathe of fresh air.

No, you simply don't have the privilege to do that.

Here, the day was a suffering day yet I tried to be a fool enjoying my heaven-like day. My attitude changes when you change too. I know I shouldn't get influenced. But that's how I react to people when they treat me differently. Vice Versa. I know I shouldn't do that. sorry.

Here, I have to make choices on what class to go next year. Based on my results, I know that I can go any class I like. But decision really sucks me into a deep stupor that confusions arouses and I just can't make the right decision. They don't give a damn on my choices. Just because I am the one who studies and not them? But i feel so helpless now. Especially to know that I will be separating with my current classmates and my BFF, I feel worse.

Forget it. Nobody understands and actually, no one can give me the real comfort.
Because,
I am right here at this very moment.
Struggling to get the right path.
then fall into an abyss of confusions.

Hardly breathe.