Gosh, I feel like crying now. It's TERRIBLE. But don't worry, I can't cry, remember? Yeah. Since when I can shed a tear? No matter how hard I forced myself to.. Well, never mind. I don't force myself to cry. Let's bottle it up and see when will it burst.

Is my chinese really that lousy? That's perfectly fine with me that you began to bombard every needle-like word of yours. Because I have to agree that my chinese has indeed gone from bad to worse. So what if I am in Higher Mother Tongue? Yupyup, I am totally agreed with you, not even a hint of objection of ALL your words but come on! There is something that really crushes my heart. What's wrong with you? Or is the problem actually lies in me? What's the fucking problem with this house?

Maybe I am rebellious but I knew it deep down in the core of my heart that I wasn't like this before! After you have changed I began to change as well. If only you could realize. I can't save myself anymore. I fervently yearn for your old self to back. Please be what you were like in the past. The one that always explains to me about life philosophy. The one that always cares for me and asks me stuff. Aargghh... I seirously don't know how to describe. You just simply CHANGED after you came back. and that's when the pain began..

FUCK FUCK FUCK. I feel disastrous. Tell me what should I do. ignore?

You know that I am falling from the very moment that you changed. And here, standing on this periphery of depression, with your help, I have succussfully fall into this abyss of ignorance and recklessness. Just a slight push with your words and the ending will be what you've all longed for. Is that what you really want?

I really don't wish to care. I feel nothing from you. I feel nothing from myself anymore. Part of myself yearn for a time machine to bring back everything, but the other tells me that everything has turned beyond redemption. There is time you give me hope, lots of hope actually, but there is time that you just burn up my hopes all at once and let it go down the drain all over again. The same old thing repeats again and again till I feel so fucking pissed off.

Confusion began to blur my vision of thoughts that I, now really wish to just shut down my brain and fall into this abyss of ignorance.

AND, that's it!