Today, I feel so restless and reckless. In my mind, I could see those people trying hard to contribute something for others, but I ignore them. I just stared into the air, delving into deep thoughts. They talked to me, I either replied with a nod or just remained speechless. How could I? What a sin... What if they die the next day and I will never get to see them and talk to them like I did in the past? What if they just disappear in my life? I could never forgive myself for ignoring them if that would be the last moment that I could best treated them.

" Why are you not doing your work? "
"It's important that you understand, you know..." and she looked at me with such kind face... yet I just stared at my paper, ignoring whatever she said, continued staring at the paper.

I feel so guilty now. In my mind, I know it's wrong to do that. I know she is being nice to me. My heart kept telling me that I should change, warning me of any misfortunate events that may lead to great remorse of today's deed. I know perfectly well. Yet my body stayed still... it just couldn't move. And then, she left.


What happened? Your mind knows perfectly well that what is wrong and what is right. Yet why does the body not doing the things that the mind wants? Or the mind is simply out of control? Or the body and the mind are not connected properly? Why is that so? I don't understand. Or am I purely evil? If mind can't stop the body then what is conscience for?

Now, I feel so terribly scared. I know I have got the stupidest thought. I keep thinking that she will die sooner or later and if I don't change myself on time to show it to her, I will regret....

The feeling of someone who is close to you, leaves you for eternity...

It's just tiring. I wonder what it is that is draining out my energy bit by bit. Why...