She doesn't know what happen to herself. It's weird.
She understands, after all.

Is it right to do something to oneself, for example, punching the wall, sliting wrist, drinking beer when one feels heart broken or depressed? She wondered why so many people are doing it. It sounded silly to her at first. To a certain point of view, it may seems that by doing all these, these people are harming themselves, worsening their condition, which is stupid and wrong. For they do not seem to treasure their body and what they have.

She called these people stupid and silly.
But now she have no words to describe them. Those things they do, actually hid some reasons that many do not understand, yet she finally understands. The physical pain that exerts onto the body, to others it might be deteriorating their condition. But to the person, physical pain can actually heal his or her emotional pain. The pain exerts on the body, though may be excruciating, but will eventually able to take the place of the inner pain as it becomes too painful to feel and to even think.. By drunking oneself or by eating sleeping pills, to others it does not help in solving one's problems. Yes, it is true it does not help at all, but so what? Its able to anesthetize at least some part of one's soul, making one feels numb, so that he or she can hardly feel the pain inside. It works, and benefits them. So why not doing it?

Unless there are better solutions, which hardly work, so why not trying out all these?
She has given up into stopping her friends from these. She knows that its a feeling hard to describe. She enjoys and agrees with it...








Exam results are like shit. Its disappointing. It is heart breaking. -sigh- But there is nothing much I can do. It will be useless to cry over it. I guess I should work harder next year, just take it as a learning process. Yeah. I can do it..



" I guess I don't understand you anymore. Just when I thought I've found a true friend, you backed up and proved me wrong. You're not even telling me anything. For what you said in the past, I wonder whether all along I have been deceiving myself. It just feels so "one-sided". Am I really wrong all this while? I fervently yearn for your answer. "