I just broke down crying in front of this teacher who i started to hate. I cant believe it myself. i thought i was always the strong one? At least strong enough to stop the tears from bursting out in front of them? How vulnerable! why can't i be a little bit stronger? only a little more so that i will be able to stand up again! I just ask for this little and I swear i won't ask for more in future! Its just that one bit of strength and courage! Is that too much? Its not demading at all! I need it so desperately. I can't control myself anymore. feel like leaving this world. Why do i have to live in a world that i don't belong to? yea, destined to feel the pain? so we are linked. i am born to feel pain? torturing and eliminating the soul of mine, one part after another, until its fully gone? Is that right? Its excruciating. Is it time to declare myself that I have totally completely utterly lost in this battle? There's just so many things left undone. and so many things that were done yet ruined my life badly.


I juz realized so many things, many that happened unexpectedly.

friend.



Lies. broken promise.



someone who doesnt care. maybe i shouldnt care too?



A knife. My heart. A world that doesnt welcome me.



I need a dare to try.



or the courage to stand up again. be strong? -flinched-


Its tiring. I don't wanna care about it anymore. I don't wanna face any single of them. I don't want.


please, let it cease forever in my mind.