It is just like a race.
I can't catch up, you're running too fast.
Did i slow down my pace?
Or were you the one who started to run faster and faster?
It's possible.
Or maybe,
Its my ability to succeed,
my strength is not up to standard?

I tried. maybe that was the best i could do. but seriously i didn't feel one bit of tiredness.
Have I tried my best? was that the max effort i could make?


Its good to see everybody improving. I feel really glad for them. I wish my class could still be the best class this year.

The happy smile that i showed them, overlaid with undescribable feelings inside.
Feeling of disappointment.
Feeling of they-finally-do-well-i-am-glad-4-them.
Feeling of equality among all my frens.
Feeling of depression.
Feeling of my uselessness
and anger.

But so what? i knew i deserved what i get. What more can i ask for? Its my problem all along, not you. and its not the time to talk about fate, cuz' its like an excuse. Not angry because of what i get, but to realize that the effort made was so little!

It really pissed me off to have questions bombarded on me all at once after knowing the result. didn't i tell you that i am not capable? Its not important to know right? Does that matter with you? I know i am trying to avoid. If only everybody was very good in the first place, i wouldn't have felt this way. I am falling...

ITS ALWAYS BLAME. ANGER. AND NO TURNING BACK.

Can someone please wake me up?!! At least, pull me out of these unrealistic dreams!?
Am i paralyzed? I juz don't seem to move one bit. I am surposed to reach the destination regardless of obstacles. but i am still not moving. Instead, I am taking to my heels and escaping from the reality now...





still, no turning back.