Typing on the keyboard, starring at the familiar screen, listening to those melancholy songs. It's been raining non-stop for the whole day. What an ideal day to cry eh?


Everything is cold here. Every touch makes me numb, especially the floor, literally freezes me to the bone. As the clock ticks and time passses, I starts to wonder,

"Since when have the world become so cold?"
But an answer just floats into my mind.
"It has never been warm."

Whatever.

I went out to buy something in the evening. As I walked, something really perturbs my peace of mind. Why couldn't I shed a tear? I thought I was quite emotional, at least I was able to cry..and that wasn't a compliment... It is just human reaction.

An undescribable ache in the heart, some kind of sadness, that crushes you and burns your veins. It is like everything tastes and turns bitter. It's like so much of wanting to cry yet not a bead of tears could be forced out. Why why and why?!

As I felt the water on my face, For a moment , I thought maybe I was crying. But I wasn't. It was the rain pelting on my face. It was a fake.

Aarghh, I just loathe this feeling. How can you don't cry when you feel sad? How can you don't smile when you feel elated? There is just this sudden urge to cry out loud and scream at the top of your lung, to let go of this feeling that holds you so tightly, it's like burden...

Freak. I just yearn for everything to become black and blank.
NO more feelings. That would be the best.