Yesterday was bad mood. Today is disastrous.

I wish I could be alone. I wish I could just stay in an empty room, ALONE. So much for seeking loneliness...... But I definitely don't wish to feel empty. Emptiness makes me feel like a dead corpse.

How? Why?! I don't understand. It pisses me off and I am feeling so goddamn guilty and remorseful now. FUCK..

Well, I was quiet in the morning, and didn't feel like talking. Maybe they thought I was ignoring them, maybe I was.. They felt hurt. I didn't mean it, really. I was sorry, but I didn't know how to respond how to react how to express myself that I am sorry.. In the end, I just walked out of the house, heading for training.

Back at home, I was exhhausted so I went to sleep.. When I woke up, I realized that they had came back from shopping and they actually bought me a Xmas present. I was shocked. After that..

They are treating me so rather oddly nice.. The way they talk to me.. It's like they are trying to cheer me up or something, or make me happy.. crooning me like a baby.. I know they want me to be happy.. but not this way, its killing me... I would rather they just leave me alone..

I feel so sorry now.. I don't know how to apologize.. I want to cry!
UURGHH.....