finally blogging

Oh my.. This blog is so dead.. =/

Yesterday got to be dismissed earlier as Friday's schedule was swapped with Thursday's schedule. And then, something horrible happened.

While I was on my way walking past a block to my block from the bus stop which I alighted, I saw some policemen.. and then when I looked closer, I saw a dead man lying on the floor.. there was a pool of blood.. I was shocked and stunned for a moment. The sight was simply gory and gross.. omg.. O.o I still can't get over with that scene.. hais

Well, I found out that that man actually committed suicide.

Why why why? why would he do such a stupid thing? Though we aren't related, I feel a tinge of sadness for his death.. Was he mad? or was he just in such an excruciating pain that perhaps death is a better way to end this? I seriously don't get why must people commit suicide? Its really a silly and selfish act.. =( But is there really a situation where problems can't be solved and that we are forced to such desperation for death?

His parents must be crying their hearts out now.. =(








Swimming nationals is over. It's time to get back to studies. I have SO MUCH things to catch up.. those work is like endless and I never seem to be able to finish them. aarghh..

Wanted to post some pictures regarding swim nats and victory dinner but i find myself rather moody.. Well, I don't know why.

Studies is one thing I am not coping well these days. But I am not worried because I know many of my friends are struggling as well. Well, I guess its college life. Just get used to it ba.. Dozing off during lectures is a big problem to me now. haha. i have to find some ways, seriously to wake myself up. rubbing my eyes with hot chilli??? Perhaps.

Swimmming. I am glad that I have improved. hmm looking forward to another intensive training though I can't deny that I feel a slight phobia for it. haha. Oh whatever, just go for it =)

FAmily. Recently my parents are kinda actively involved in some outdoor activities which they signed up for.. oh gosh. I feel kinda detached from them since I am always busy with my stuff and so do they. Well, that bond.. it is never the same like before. I feel hmm.. sad. the more negative I feel, the more I would try to cover up those feelings. and somehow, I have fallen into an abyss of ignorance.. and then, things aggravate and perhaps to a point of no return.

I know something is wrong. I know very well that I have to fix this relationship up. I know that we still care for one another. I know that I really have to do something about this.. We just stop interacting somehow.. I know and I know.. but I am doing nothing..

It's the arrogance in me that is killing me.

And then. There is someone who I have been thinking of. It's stupid. I know it. I find the thought rather absurd and yeah, admitted that it is simply an impossiblity. hmm yiyan said that I always fall for the minority.. Alright, I guess it's true.. Ironically, I hate to know that someone has unknowingly caught my heart and I have lost half the battle. What would happen if he knows? Not that I am not into crushes and infatuation and whatever u call that. It is just not the time. cause' it just gives me lots of distraction.. and distraction is simply annoying. aargghh~

Control. That is what I need now to settle those feelings.
Arrogance is what i desperately need to get rid of now.


Here. Everything turns topsy-turvy. How I wish I could run away..
How I wish I could stay away from this bustle and hustle of modern life and live with my loved ones in a small little cosy cottage in a countryside somewhere segregated from the globalising world.. Hmm.. I guess this is more like dreaming of myself in a fairytale or yearning for a miracle to happen.

Please, let the rain cease and the rainbow shall appear.