Feeling fucking horrible now. My stomach is really weak..

Have not been having appetite these days. didn't have breakfast today and I had diarrhea. LAO SAI like shit. feeling damn weak now AARGGHH. can't believe i am eating for the sake of filling my stomach. I don't even feel like opening up my damn mouth.

Today I had nightmare, dreaming that my mum died in a car accident which I witnessed it. (SERIOUSLY CHOY AND TOUCH WOOD) I was supposed to meet her in the dream. and I felt like I had not been seeing her for damn long. when she died, I was so sad I burst into tears.. I felt so contradicting in the dream...it felt like I left her for some selfish reasons, but when she died, I was thihnking whether I should just die with her. Life felt so meaningless all of a sudden..

then I woke up tearing, trying to figure out where my real mum was cause' the dream was so real.. My heart beat racing. Felt like something heavy pressed on me the whole night.

very CUI night and CUI morning...

feeling so lethargic.

I want to be fit again.